


Time and Space

by MamaZoom



Category: The Mighty Boosh RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-03-31
Packaged: 2017-12-07 01:16:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/742441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MamaZoom/pseuds/MamaZoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was meant to be a monster of a fic, starting when they boys first met, leading up to present day. I didn't get that far, obviously, as there are only seven parts to it. It will not be updated. Thank you for your understanding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "You are young and the world is open  
> So many words you've never spoken  
> Don't be afraid to stand your ground  
> When your time it comes around  
> To your own self be true  
> There's nothing more to do."  
> -"Time & Space" by The Accidental

Sometime mid-year. 1997. Hell Fire Comedy Club. Wycombe Swan.

 

He was all twitchy and nervous, although he didn't know why. He never got this way. Not about being on stage or in public or around girls. And certainly not about meeting another man in what was supposed to be a casual environment. But still yet, he sat at his table between Dave and Nigel fiddling with his drink and willing the butterflies to evacuate his stomach cavity. He was being dead foolish and he knew it. He looked up to the stage and the man who stood there--clean shaven in nondescript clothing and a big hat, looking just as twitchy and nervous as Noel felt, although he knew enough by now to know that that was just the way this fella operated. He tried to concentrate on what he was saying, although he pretty much knew what he was going to say before the words ever escaped his lips. He'd seen this guy's act too many times to count.

Noel too a sip of his drink and felt a weird since of relief when he heard Dave and Nigel laugh at the joke about the lava lamp sick. They think he's funny, too. He didn't know why it was so important to him. It just felt imperative for something far off on the horizon of the future that they think he was just as hysterical as Noel did. He couldn't explain it. What he could explain, on the other hand, was why his nerves were so shot. Well, he could explain it off, anyway. Tonight was the night he decided to stop acting like some stalker-ish school girl and just introduce himself to the man, Julian he mentally corrected himself, on stage.

Julian's set ended to a smattering of applause (a travesty of justice, Noel concluded) and he disappeared backstage.

Noel bit his lip, worry starting to replace nervousness. What if he didn't come back out? What if that was the last set he was preforming ever?! What if--

"Shall we invite him over?" Nigel's voice cut through Noel's miniature existential crisis.

Noel followed Nigel's eye line to the other side of the club where Julian stood, awkwardly surveying the room for a place to settle.

"Yeah." Noel hoped he sounded more cool and aloof than he felt.

"Well, go for it." Dave persuaded.

Noel watched as Julian started to cross the room, still looking for a place to sit.

He held up a hand in greeting when Julian made a move to pass his table by. "Alright?!" He gave him his best smile--the one reserved for girls he wanted to pull and Professors he wanted to charm.

Julian merely grunted and gave a curt nod.

Noel gestured to the empty seat next to Nigel. "You wanna...." he left the question open ended, his throat suddenly feeling like sandpaper.

Julian shrugged nervously. "Yeah, sure. Yeah." he gestured to the stage "I like this guy. I'm going to watch him."

Wow. Noel thought to himself, that wasn't an act--he really is this awkward.

"I, I mean, we really liked your set." He didn't know why he had bleated it out. Just seemed like the natural thing to say in this given scenario.

Julian turned his gaze from the stage to Noel, regarding him more closely than when he'd first approached the table and after what felt like an eternity of awkward silence said: "Is your hair on backwards?"

Noel sat there monetarily awe-struck. No one had ever really been so flippant towards him before. Most men he knew thought he was a right old poof and didn't bother to talk to him unless it was to try to take the mick. Others (like Dave and Nigel) thought he was a right laugh and enjoyed his company. Most girls asked if he was in a band or if he was going to be famous (to which he replied "yes" every time). But no one had ever been so....so....god, what was the word he was looking for?

Before he could even think of it, he heard Julian say: "Right, I think I'm going to go."

And he was gone.

Noel watched Julian's retreating back. From behind him, he heard Dave say: "He was really funny, but clearly mental."

And Noel thought He's the same as me.

 

*************

 

Later, the next month. Hackney Empire.

 

This guy had something. He was special. Noel knew it. It wasn't that Julian was weird like him. He didn't see it that way. It was the rest of the world that was mental. He and Julian might have just been the only ones in it that saw things clearly. That's why he knew he had to befriend this strange, socially inept creature. He wanted to see the world through his warped perspective. He wanted to feel as though he belonged to a part of something that was bigger than himself.

He wanted an explanation as to why Julian was wearing a suit and little round glasses.

Noel had been following Julian from gig to gig, leaving small offerings--gifts--with the people backstage and asking them kindly to give them to Mr. Barratt. Just little things. A small plastic ninja he'd found on the pavement outside his local. A rock with little monkey heads he'd painted on it. Whatever struck his fancy that day, he'd bring along with him. It became his ritual.

After the show, Julian sat down with Noel for a few drinks and more than their fair share of long, pregnant pauses.

Noel, who had started doing stand up since their first encounter kept insisting to Julian: "I do stuff a bit like you!"

Julian merely regarded the younger man with quiet, bemused eyes from behind his bottle of Guinness.

 

*************

 

The Enterprise. Not so long after....

Noel turns up already excited because Julian had actually invited him to this gig. He didn't have to learn about it from the other students around town or scour the streets for fliers. He had heard it straight from the man himself.

Noel supposed, later, that it might have only been because Julian was headlining and wanted to show off a bit, but in that moment, it didn't really matter.

The only thing that really matter was that he was clearly welcomed here and that he would get to see Julian preform and that Julian was wading up to him through a sea of people and--why did he look so upset?

"Someone's dropped off the bill. Do you think you could fill in?"

Noel stood there perplexed for a moment. Had Julian just really asked him that? He couldn't be dreaming, could he?

"I could do, yeah."

"Great. You're on in ten." Julian said, rushing back into the crowd of people.

Forty-five minutes later he didn't know what he'd said on stage. Couldn't for the life of him remember. All he knew was he could remember at the end of it, the crowd cheered.

He all but skipped backstage, waltzing up to Julian, beaming. "How was I, yeah?" he asked breathless.

Clearly annoyed, Julian grunted the word "good" before heading off into the spotlight.

Noel watched backstage as Julian fumbled about in front of the mic for a few minutes, netting down his words--capturing Noel's energy so he could release it again. It was, Noel thought, genius.

He ended up giving Noel a lift home that night. This time was different from the rest of the times they'd been alone together. It was more relaxed. Noel had shown him that, yes in fact, he does do things a bit like Julian. He couldn't tell who was more relieved.

"You want to come in for a cup of tea?" Noel turned to ask him once he'd gotten his front door open.

"Sure. Yeah." Julian nodded.

Noel held out a hand, halting him. "But before you come in you must know: You can never leave."

Julian shrugged. "That's fine. I'ven't got much on, anyway." he smirked.

Noel cackled.

 

*************

 

August, 1997. 58 minutes after Stewart Lee's Edinburgh show "King Dong V Moby Dick".

 

"We work quite well together."

"Told you we would."

 

*************

 

August, 1997. Two nights after "King Dong V Moby Dick">

 

Noel got a phone call around two in the afternoon. He'd been dozing lightly on his sofa, having had a long night of partying the night before.

"'ello?"

"I was thinking," it was Julian, sounding a little awkward and rushed "that you and I should try to do something together. Like the new 'Goodies'."

Noel's face lit up, excitement breaking through his hangover-haze. "Yeah, that'd be genius!"


	2. Chapter 2

Sometime early 1998

 

"What if they were zoo keepers?" Noel asked, his pointy face pressed to the glass of the python enclosure. Julian hung back, hands in his jacket pockets. He rolled the idea around in his mind for a few minutes.

"I like it." he said simply. Before, when they had first met, Julian felt a little guilty for not talking. But he suddenly realized he didn't really have to. Noel always had enough to say--plenty of words to share. All Noel really needed from him was a curt nod or a grunt. He wasn't like the other people Julian had worked with or been around in a social setting: he didn't feel the need to pressure Julian into sharing more that he saw fit. And he wasn't scared by him or intimidated like some of the others were. He'd discovered that while they were working on Gas, when Noel had unexpectedly in a fit of joy bit Julian on the nose. Julian had replied with a curt "don't touch me", and Noel roared with laughter.

He watched Noel's barely-there shirt slide up his back a few more inches. Didn't it bother him, the looks he got from people when he walked around like that? And the hair! When was he going to get around to fixing it? Absolutely atrocious. Noel was the kind of kid Julian would usually try to avoid any any situation. Easy-going (enough to remind him that he's a little more than socially inept. Leaning dangerously close to socially retarded, if he were going to be truthful with himself), and pretty. It almost made him angry and he didn't know why. But Noel had something that none of the other kids like him had--an understanding of what it was like to be truly weird. To not actually fit in. Julian had seen it in action. They'd been out for a drink and a girl approached Noel looking very hopeful and giggly (like girls sometimes do) and began trying to chat him up. Noel had looked surprised, as the girl was quite posh, but turned on the charm all the same. A few minutes later as he started to talk about a fox made of jelly, she'd made some half-hearted excuse to remove herself from the situation. Noel had simply shrugged it off and turned back to Julian, chattering away happily as though nothing had happened. Later, he'd asked Julian what he thought that girl's malfunction was.

"Her leg's turned into trombones." Julian reassured him.

"Really?" Noel pressed. Julian nodded knowingly. "Genius!"

Noel up-righted himself and tugged at the hem of his shirt. "Let's get to work then, yeah?"

Julian nodded and led him out of the zoo.

 

************

 

Later that same day. Noel's flat.

 

Noel's flat was freezing, but Julian didn't feel the need to point it out. He merely went to work strumming on a busted guitar he found in the corner of the front room while Noel made an eye patch out of a ping pong ball.

He lost himself in what he was doing for a few minutes, not realizing Noel had even left the room until he heard a strange sound coming from down the hall.

"Noel?" he called out, G cord still vibrating slightly. "Are you alright? What happened in there?" he yelled towards the bathroom.

Noel scuttled out, dragging his shower curtain behind him. "Just wanted to make a costume, yeah?"

Julian simply smiled and set about plucking the strings again.

 

************

 

 

Oranje Boom. 1998

 

Their set ended to a smattering of applause. Julian had figured it would go that way. A room full of city workers and two men on stage amid a forest of potted plants? It was bound to end in disaster.

"It wasn't that bad, yeah?! Some people actually laughed." Noel's eternal optimism shone through as they carried their props out of the club.

Julian felt like his body was on fire. Even one minute of stand up on stage felt like an eternity. It only made sense that ten minutes of plot and narrative in smothering home-made costumes while jumping around would feel a lot like hell. He could feel sweat beading on the back of his neck--his hair sticking to him. It was better once they got outside and loaded all the props in the boot of Julian's car. It was cool out and quiet. It was nice.

Until he noticed someone had taken it upon themselves to scribble the word "shit" over their faces on their poster. He diverted his gaze, determined not to let Noel see it.

"Wha's this bullshit?!" he heard Noel's voice climbs several octaves the way it did when he was upset.

Damn. Julian thought. "Probably just some kids, is all." he looked down at his high tops, not wanting to see the look of hurt on his new friend's face. He fished his cigarette pack out of his pocket, an idea coming to him. He lit it up and took a long pull off it, elbowing Noel in the ribs to pay attention. Noel turned to him and watched as Julian blew the smoke into a long plume, forming it with his hands. A slug. Noel's reaction was immediate and joyous--a booming laugh and that crooked, Cheshire cat grin.

"Do a cow's lower intestine now, yeah?!"

And Julian did.

 

************

 

1998\. Sydney.

 

Australia was better. People seemed to like them more and there was also that Perrier Best Newcomer Award under their belt. Julian liked that they were getting into a flow, carving out their own niche. They didn't fit in? Well that's just fine! They would just set about building a world where they would fight baddies and become somewhat misguided antiheroes. Of course, it was a lot easier to think about that while you're slightly drunk and standing outside of a dodgy motel at half eleven at night waiting for your mate to tie his ridiculous orange and yellow trainers so you can go to reception and get your rooms.

"You go 'head, Julian. I have to piss anyway." Noel said standing up and walking over to some bushes.

"Noel, I'm pretty sure they have plumbing in there." Julian gestured to the hotel, more than a little exasperated. He heard Noel's zip go down.

"I know, I just can't hold it in any longer." He moaned with relief. Julian blushed, embarrassed, and headed off into the building.

"Two rooms please." he requested from the stout looking man behind the counter. There were grease stains from the fried chicken he was gnawing on down the front of his shirt.

"Only got one left." he passed Julian the key and wiped his hands on his jeans before he held his palm out, waiting for payment.

"Uh, right, yeah." Julian fumbled with his billfold, passing the notes over.

"An' tell your little girl friend not to piss in the bushes. Don't wanna have to file complaints." the man called out to Julian's back.

He told Noel about the strange encounter while they lugged their suitcases to their room.

"We're not benders!" Noel laughed loudly, causing more than a few people to turn and look at them.

"You're gunna make a scene!" Julian whispered through gritted teeth.

For the rest of their stay in Australia, Noel took it upon himself to introduce them to any and everyone with the greeting: "Hi, we're not benders." "Hello. I'm not a bender. And this is my boyfriend Julian, also not a bender."

And for the rest of their stay Julian mentally kicked himself for having made such a big deal out of it in the first place. The damn bratty child.

Although he couldn't help but laugh.

 

************

 

Somewhere in London. An office. 1998.

 

"Well, do you know Noel?" Julian asked Gary Reich, the producer for the show he was in talks to be on.

"Yeah, he's fucking weird. Like you." He responded.

"Like me." Julian repeated, still not used to the idea that there was, in fact, someone out there like him.

They called them both in later in the week to do "zookeepers" for them.

They killed.

 

************

 

Still 1998. Still somewhere in London. Paramount lot. Writing session.

 

The American sits picking at his empty Styrofoam cup that once held the coffee he so lovingly cradled. Bit by bit he lets the pieces fall into a small pile in front of him on the table.

Julian is watching Noel watching the American, Rich. No one says a word.

One more piece fallen. Two more. Three more. Julian counts to forty in his head.

The forty-first piece of foam falls just shy of the pile and bounces to the middle of the table.

Noel reaches out and takes the bit of foam, holding it up before Rich. "This is my wife." He says simply.

Without thinking or pausing, Rich reaches out and grabs the foam from Noel's grasp, brings it to his mouth and starts to kiss it passionately.

Noel and Julian look at each other, exchange knowing looks, and smile.


	3. I'm Your 20th Century Toy

1999\. Her Majesty's Theatre. Backstage.

 

The camera's are gone. The crowd is gone. It's just the two of them now, if you don't count Mr. Jiffy, who lays disused in the corner of the dressing room.

"How come you didn't talk to the people that were taping us?" Noel asked suddenly as Julian passed him a cuppa.

Julian shrugged. "I'm just not comfortable around most people, if you didn't notice."

Noel smiled. "Yeah, I noticed" he paused long enough to take sip of tea "You do realize that when we make it big, you'll have to be around new people all the time, yeah?"

"What do you mean 'when' we make it big?" Julian took a large swallow of beer and lit a cigarette.

"People love us, Jules!" Noel reached across the sofa cushion that separated them and picked up Julian's cigarette pack.

"What are you doing?" he asked as he watch Noel fumble with the lighter. "You don't smoke."

"Could do! If I wanted to. And I do now!" Noel took a pull of the fag to demonstrate his point and immediately coughed.

Julian laughed. "Did you really think that would be a good idea?" he reached over and ruffled Noel's choppy blond tresses.

Noel just took another pull from his pilfered cigarette and tried not to choke again. He fail.

Julian laughed.

Noel let a wicked smile crack his lips as he held the cigarette up before Julian. "These are what you taste like" he said simply, alluding to the onstage kiss they shared earlier.

Julian blushed and Noel sat back, satisfied with himself.

 

***********

 

Outside The Hen & Chicken's. 2000.

 

Another Monday night, another crowd of slightly bemused faces. Noel only noticed because Julian pointed it out. He always thought that people adored him as much as he adored other people. It was refreshing, if not a little annoying to have another albeit misanthropic viewpoint.

Noel hopped onto the bonnet of Julian's car, stretching out his legs as the older man lit a cigarette. He didn't smoke in the car, as busted down and shit it already was. The problem being the windows wouldn't roll down and Noel didn't particularly like being slowly asphyxiated.

"We should start writing soon." Julian observed as he settled beside Noel.

"Yeah." he agreed, his eyes never leaving the sky.

Julian followed Noel's eye line to his focal point--the moon. "What do you think it'd sound like? If it could talk, I mean."

Noel turned to face him. "The moon?"

Julian nodded.

Noel thought about it for a few seconds, culminating a voice--feeling it rumble behind his Adam's apple until it finally burst free. "I'm the moon!" He was shocked to hear the whining, nasal voice of an Eastern European simpleton rattling out of his pipes. And amused to hear the laughter erupt from Julian.

"Perfect." he said smiling, and offering Noel his hand, pulling him for the car.

 

***********

 

2000\. Noel's flat.

 

He was expecting Noel to be in weird clothes. That was a given. Something that didn't fit properly, showing off his slight frame. Weird color combinations. Too many belts.

What he didn't expect to see when Noel pulled the door open to let him in was his friend covered in green paint. A polo mint eye patch, cane and polo mint covered top hat polished off the look.

"Genius, yeah?!" Noel asked after a few long seconds of stunned silence.

"Hitcher?" Julian finally asked, like one of those sappy movie endings Is that really you?!

Noel's expression turned serious for a second before he opened his mouth and proclaimed: "Tha's right, boy! The 'Itcha! Atcha service." he bowed to punctuate the sentence.

Julian was quite surprised at how unlike himself Noel sounded. It impressed him.

"This is good." Julian finally said after Noel up righted himself.

"I know, yeah! Only, we won't be able to paint me green for the show, time an' all that. But this is kinda how I saw him, right, while we were talkin' 'bout 'em." Noel ran a hand through the white poly-synthetic pillow stuffing he'd stapled into the brim of the hat for The Hitcher's hair, accidentally knocking it from his head.

Julian felt an overwhelming sensation for the younger man that he was nearly certain was love. For the first time off stage and sober, he pulled Noel into a hug.

2000\. Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Julian's hotel room was crowded and noisy. Pete and Mike are sat in the corner, stoned out of their minds and shoveling crisps into their mouths. Dave and Noel are whispering and giggling on the bed next to Julian as Rich does an interpretive dance to a mix tape Noel had made for the journey.

I move like a cat. Fly like a bat. Sting like a bee. Babe, I want to be your man.

Noel notices Julian sitting silently beside him and reaches over to give his hand a comforting squeeze. Noel pulled him to his feet, encouraging him to dance, the rest of the room joining in.

Well it's plain to see/ you were meant for me. Yeah, I'm your boy/ Your twentieth century toy.

 

**********

 

On set. 2000.

The make up lady comes by and sprays them both down with a fine mist of water, giving them a slightly sweaty look. She adds the tiniest hint of rouge to they're cheeks and suddenly their flushed with exertion. Julian sits shirtless wearing nipple clamps and clutching a half empty bottle of Jack Daniel's. Noel sits next to him, also shirtless and wearing a bicycle helmet and a subtle look of apprehension.

Julian turns to him and says "Hey! Where ya from?"

Noel bursts into nervous laughter.

 

**********

 

2000\. Noel and Julian's flats, respectively.

 

It's Noel's turn to wake Julian up from drunken and fitful sleep.

"Jules! JUUUUULES!" he half purrs half singsongs into the phone.

Julian grumbles, aggravated from being awoken after finally falling to sleep. "What'd you want?"

"Get your stationary sorted. We're gunna be writing a radio series!"


	4. Chapter 4

Noel's flat. January 2001.

When he wakes, it's to two sensations. The first being the cold permeating through his skin down to his bones and the fact that his comfy velvet duvet is nowhere in sight. The second sensation is something warm, slightly moist and heavy resting on his stomach. He looks down to discover it's Julian's hand. He giggles quietly to himself. The day before they were sitting on his bed writing the script for the radio show, never once imagining one of them would wake up to find them spooning. Noel stretches and looks at the alarm clock with it's ghostly, glowing numbers. It reads 4:37 a.m. Noel makes a futile attempt to move under the weight of Julian's arm and gives up, running a hand through his hair. It's grown out a bit, his mousy brown roots beginning to show. He thinks it might be time for a dye job.

He stills when he hears Julian mumble "leave it" against his neck.

"Wha?" he cranes his head back, trying to get a better look at his friend.

"It'd be fine if you just got it away from the mouse!" Julian chides in his sleep.

Noel outright cackles at this, which wakes Julian up. He looks about confused before realizing he has his arm around Noel, essentially forcing him into his side. Julian retracts his arm and sits up. "What's so funny?" his speech is sleep-slurred.

"It'd be fine if I just got what away from the mouse?!" Noel gasps the question between laughs as he clutches at his side.

Julian blushes so fiercely it shows even in Noel's darkened bedroom. "The trumpet." he mumbles.

Noel laughs harder, drawing giggles from Julian with his unbridled joy.

They get up and make the tea.

 

**********

 

Recording "studio". Shoreditch. August 2001.

 

Rich is practically screaming into the mic at this point. They've been recording for four hours and his energy level has not dropped a bit. Julian marvels at it, while Noel just goes along with it, allowing himself to be sucked into what Rich is shouting, stifling laughter behind his hand. Poor Danny is at the controls trying to balance out Rich's bombastic ramblings and Noel's tiny voice which somehow manages to be all breath and nasal at the same time. Danny catches Julian's eye as if to offer some kind of gratitude for being loud enough to hear but quiet enough not to split anyone's eardrums in half.

Julian nods and speaks his line.

Later they decide which of the days takes to use and bicker over where to eat dinner.

 

**********

 

Julian's flat. October 16, 2001.

 

Everyone gathers around Julian's beat up radio in anticipation, happy and full of Chinese take away.

Everybody laughs at the jokes and Noel's glad no one calls attention to the fact that he turned at least six different shades of red when Julian (as Howard) started to shout "SAY MY NAME!", as he couldn't have explained why.

 

**********

 

Early 2002. Noel's Flat.

 

This time, Noel's not asleep. He's painting a rather large mural above where above where his headboard should be, provided he had one, which he didn't.

The jarring ring of his phone does scare him out of concentration, though, and he ends up cutting a dark purple line through the face of a black cat sitting on the sun.

He mutters curses under his breath as he stalks over to the phone.

"Yeah?" he sounded angrier than he actually felt.

"Right. I'll call back then." Julian's voice answered back.

Before Noel could say anything, he heard the receiver being placed back on the cradle. Noel sighed and called him back.

"Sorry, yeah?"

"Yeah." Julian replied. "I just wanted to say, um.....have fun on holiday, yeah?"

Noel stifled a giggle. He knew what this was about.

"I'll miss you too, Ju."

 

*********

 

Somewhere in France. The Country Side. Early 2002.

Noel is staring at a lone cow in a field when he suddenly hears "Cars" playing loudly. He's so stupid with boredom it takes him a minute to realize it's his mobile.

"Alright?"

He hears nothing in return but laughter on the other end. It's hard to place at first. Slowly he realizes it's Julian.

"What the fuck, Jules?!"

"Why so upset little man?! It's such a beautiful day!"

"Care to explain to me why you sound pathologically happy?"

Julian keeps laughing, though it's strained, and Noel decides Julian's only laughing because he's not 100% sure what else to do. Finally Julian lets slip that they got the telly show.

Noel sits there stunned for a few seconds before letting out a WOOP! that scares the cow and doesn't even begin to help release all the joy he's feeling. Not one bit.

 

*********

 

Mid 2002. Noel's flat.

 

They've written five episodes in a week and are way ahead of schedule. So neither of them thought it would do much harm to get pissed and take a shower together, although that wasn't exactly the plan.

They would wake up the next morning laughing like schoolboys who'd gotten away with something innately naughty.

 

**********

 

London. 2002. Sound Stage.

 

Rich had some family business he had to attend to back in the states, so he's not there. Julian keeps telling himself that it will be fine. It's only a live run through. For the pilot. The one he a Noel had been waiting for since 1997. It will be fine. Really. Matt Holness is filling in for Fossil and things will work out.

His nerves don't subside until Noel reaches over to squeeze his hand.


	5. Chapter 5

2003\. TV Studio.

Noel and Dee are curled up in a disused corner of the dressing room. Dee still has her elephant nose on and flips it over the brim of her cup while she sips her tea. Noel is engrossed in sketching her--pad of paper balanced on his knees, colored pencils strewn around him, his tongue caught between his teeth in concentration. His fingers move back and forth, in lines, in circles. Julian watches him intently, his own fingers moving idly over guitar strings. Dee leans in and whispers something behind her mutant costume. Noel giggles and kisses her gently on the cheek--her mouth too obscured by the elephant nose. Dee's mobile starts to ring and she peels off her plastic appendage, kissing Noel on the top of his head. She exists with the phone clamped tightly to her ear, the reception on the lot terrible.

Julian redirects his attention to his guitar, strumming the cords to a song that will be featured later in the series. He knits his brow, focusing on the progression and tilting his head. He hears Noel on the other side of the room trying to get his attention.

"PST! Ju!" he whispers although they are the only two in the room.

Julian looks up to where Noel is still hunched in the corner. Noel flips the pad over so Julian can see it's content--a man holding a guitar and smiling. It's Julian.

Julian smiles at Noel and plays him a song.

 

**********

 

2003\. Noel's flat.

Noel is talking hurriedly about everything. About how much he loves Dee. About playing bass for her band. About how excited he is about the telly show. About new ideas. About stand up. About his up-coming episode of Dark Place. Julian just finished the last scene of his last episode of Dark Place not two hours ago. He's beginning to wonder where he ends and Noel begins.

 

*********

 

November 9, 2004. Dave's flat.

 

They choose Dave's place because he has the bigger telly. Julian brings the beer. Noel staggers in behind a wall of take away boxes, trying not to drop any. They crowd around the telly, a sense of triumph welling up inside them as Killeroo flickers across the screen. From his place on the sofa, Noel reaches down to Julian, sitting next to his crossed legs on the floor, and squeezes his shoulder, smearing pizza sauce across the fabric there.

Julian wouldn't notice until after he got home.

 

********

 

November 23, 2004. Breezeblock Session.

 

They take time out of the filming for AD/BC for this latest escapade. Julian is a bit apprehensive about it at first, for reasons he can't intellectualize or put into words. But then again he's always nervous. But he's thinking it might be alright, as he looks at Noel sat next to him, fiddling with his newly black hair. He was shocked when Noel had turned up a few weeks ago with his shaggy black mop. He had almost been tempted to tug at it to see if it were a wig. But Noel seemed proud of it and it did look good on him.

Noel looked over and smiled at him as the producer hit the record button and Julian felt some of his tension start to dissolve.

 

*******

 

December 21, 2004. Julian's flat.

 

"What do you think their story is, Jules?" Noel asks him, not turning his gaze from the window.

Julian walks up behind him and looks through the small pane of glass. "Whose story?"

"Them. There." Noel states simply, pointing at the skip softly illuminated by the moon.

Julian squints. "Noel, there's nobody there."

"Shh!" he hushes Julian like someone might actually hear them. "There!" he finally says after some moments pause, pointing excitedly to two scruffy foxes darting around the skip.

Julian cocks his head to the side, watching for a moment as they chased each other around. Under the skip, into it, over it and then back around again. "Well, clearly they're on coke."

Noel turns to Julian, his nose wrinkled up. "Coke?! I was thinkin' crack, yeah?"

Julian looks at him bemused. "Crack? What would make a fox turn to crack as an escape?"

Noel deadpans it "A fall from grace, surely."

Julian laughs and leads him back to the sofa to finish watching AD/BC.

 

*******

 

January. 2005. TV Studio.

 

Noel watches him carefully because he's almost certain.

It's in the way he smiles.

It's in the way his laughter seems louder.

In the way his eyes glitter when he slips deep into his mind, thinking too much as he so often does.

Noel smiles and laughs quietly to himself.

Noel had his suspicions during the filming of AD/BC, but now he's sure of it.

Julian is in love.

 

*******

 

February. 2005. Noel's flat.

 

He stumbles through the door half five in the morning, waking Dee up. She rubs the sleep from her eyes with the back of her hand as she quietly regards her male doppelganger as he sprawls himself out on the sofa. He clutches a throw pillow to his chest tightly as he starts to cry. Dee sighs and starts up the coffee pot, knowing she wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon.

She returns and sits next to Noel, gently prying the pillow from his grasp. "Care to talk about it?"

Noel looks up at her with wide and frightened eyes and shakes his head frantically.

"Okay. Okay." She assures him, smoothing one hand through his hair, the other down his back, which is damp beneath the soft, thin cotton.

"Delia!" Noel giggles between sobs "I'm so pissed!"

 

******

 

February. 2005. Noel's Flat.

 

Julian looks up sheepishly from behind the laptop. "Noel?"

"Yes, Jules?"

"I, well, I know I probably should have said something sooner, but...." he trailed off.

"Oh, out with it Barratt!" Noel's head still felt all hollow and scraped out from the night before, which was no fault of Julian's. He winced at his own tone. "Sorry."

"It's okay. I was just thinking that I would rather be the one to get taken by the Yetis."

Noel smiles and sucks on the spoon he used to stir his tea for a moment. "Yeah. Okay, yeah. If I can be Old Gregg."

Julian laughs. "Deal. I don't think I'd want a 'downstairs mix-up' anyhow." he pauses to sip his tea and adds "That is, unless it were a sheenis."

Noel cackles, and immediately regrets it, clutching at his hung-over head.


	6. Chapter 6

January 31, 2006. 6:41 pm. Julian's Flat.

Julian presses a trail of kisses up Julia's neck.

She sighs and relaxes against his chest.

He brings up a hand full of water and spills it down her chest, watching the translucent rivulets run over and between her breasts.

She shifts in the bath water until her head falls back on his shoulder. "Are you still going over to Noel's?" there's no jealousy in the question. She understands them. Accepts them.

He kisses the top of her head--short strands of blond hair sticking to his lips. "Yes."

She runs a palm up his thigh. "Spending the night?"

He leans his head back against the tiled wall. "Might."

"Hurry back to me." she whispers.

He doesn't bother to ask what she meant, because he already knows. And he can't really argue with it, either, nor try to explain it.

 

*********

 

January 31, 2006. 11: 31 pm. Noel's Flat.

"What the hell were we thinking?" Noel asks, shoving the last of his hand-made boots into his sixth suitcase.

Julian sits at the foot of Noel's bed and sighs. Three months on the road does seem a little bit like suicide. But they would be lying if they said they weren't excited about this. "We were thinking it'd be fun." he finally answers.

Noel flops down on the bed next to him and stretches out like a cat--a dead cat, all ridged and motionless.

Julian sighs again and lays down next to Noel, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him into his chest. "You nervous?"

Noel shakes his head. "Nah."

"Oh? Because I'm fucking terrified."

Julian shivers as Noel's laughter escapes past his lips in hot puffs of air against Julian's neck. Noel presses a light, chaste kiss to the shell of Julian's ear.

"We leave in the morning." Julian whispers stupidly.

Noel snuggles closer, wrapping his leg around Julian's. "You stayin' over?"

Julian takes a deep breath. He knows nothing's going to happen--it never does no matter how drunk or how physically close they get--but something about this just seems seedy. Perhaps 'seedy' is not the right word. Julian thinks, I mean, I do love this man and if anything ever did happen, I don't think it'd be a one off. Or if it were, it wouldn't be like the ones youths have in pubs or clubs--- "Yes."

They fall asleep like that, tangled up in each other, fully clothed. They wake at five a.m. with much protest from the younger man.

 

********

 

February 14, 2006. 4:15 a.m. Tour Bus.

Julian is woken by the swish! of a curtain being pulled back. He cracks his left eye open and sees just what he expected to--Noel awkwardly climbing in and arranging his limbs next to Julian on his bunk. Julian sighs and leans over Noel's body to close the curtains back.

"Wha're you doing?" Julian's speech is slurred with sleep and a wipes at his eyes, trying to get them to focus in the dim glow of passing street lamps.

"It's Valentines Day, Ju." Noel whispers, tucking his head under Julian's chin.

"Happy Valentines Day." the words grumble through his chest, the vibration rolling through Noel.

He presses a sloppy kiss to Julian's jaw and they drift off to sleep.

We everyone wakes, Dave ignores the fact Noel and Julian climbed out of the same bunk. Mike rolls his eyes and complains about the lack of coffee. Rich looks at them both, raises an eyebrow, makes a loud pterodactyl sound and goes back to reading yesterday's paper.

 

*******

 

March 24, 2006. 1:23 a.m. After Party.

Noel and Rich are dancing to Peaches--Noel's hips swaying and Rich's hands never leaving his own nipples, both playing it up for the crowd.

Dave, Mike and Julian are on deck. Mike and Dave are passing disks back and forth, bickering over song selection. Julian hovers in the background, back against the wall, sipping his beer. He watches Noel intently. The way his hips sway back and forth to the rhythm. His hands to the air in abandon. Hair sticking to lip gloss and saliva slicked lips, mouthing the words. He steps away from the small crowd he's with and heads off to the toilets.

Julian turns back to Mike and Dave and occupies his mind with mediating the playful argument. "Oh. shut up and play something by Chris, you muppets. "

Dave and Mike mumble to each other and then agree.

Julian watches the look on Noel's face change as he walks out of the bathroom to the sound of Nightlife starting up--watches as the younger man bounds over to him. "C'mon Ju! Dance wif me!" his voice is gossamer from the alcohol--all loose and flowy and without much structure. Noel sniffles like he's got a cold; his pupils dilated.

Julian holds his hand up in protest. "Noel, I--"

"Oh, C'mon Ju!" Noel interrupts, sounding exasperated. He grabs onto Julian's shirt sleeve and pulls him clumsily away from the DJ booth. He leads Julian to a secluded corner of the floor and leans into his side. "You're well sexy when you dance, Ju." he whispers before pulling back and swaying to the beat.

Julian could feel the heat climb up his neck to his cheeks, both at what Noel had said and the way he was moving--the obvious show he was putting on. He tried to shake it off and dance to the beat.

 

*******

 

March 24, 2006. 3:45 a.m. Julian's Hotel Room.

He doesn't remember how it happens (or even if it matters) but somehow he and Noel end up on his hotel bed, making out like a couple of teenagers, all tongues and teeth and mingling gasps.

Julian breaks the kiss to come up for air and Noel makes a wet path down his jaw, ghosting over his neck to where his shirt buttons.

"Why're your lips all grainy?" Julian was sure he wouldn't be asking if he weren't so drunk.

"Lip gloss s'got glitter innut." Noel slurred, biting into a collarbone.

Julian hummed at the sensation, running a hand awkwardly down to the crotch of Noel's drainpipes.

"Don't wanna fuck, Ju." he stated plainly, kissing back up Julian's neck.

"Fine. Yeah, fine." Julian gasped--Noel's tongue lapping at the skin behind his earlobe. "Kissing's okay. Kissing's fine."

Noel crawls up Julian's body, curling into his side. "And sleeping?"

Julian smiles. "Sleeping's okay, too."

 

******

 

March 25, 2006. 7:45 a.m. Tour Bus.

Dave and Rich are towards the front of the bus, mucking about while Mike sleeps in, nursing a monstrous hang over.

Julian and Noel sit towards the back in the lounge area in comfortable silence. Nothing shattered. Nothing broken. Feeling no need to discuss what happened only five hours before.

Noel tears his gaze from the window and locks his eyes onto Julian's profile. Julian continues to read his book.

"Do you ever think of me when you fuck her?" he whispers.

Julian doesn't answer. He sips his tea instead. Keeps his eyes trained on the book's odd font.

"Coz sometimes I think of you." Noel turns his gaze back to the window, his voice still hushed. "When I wank. Not with Dee." he states this matter-of-fact-ly and with such endearing convection, Julian feels almost obligated to answer.

"Same."

The bus rolls on.

 

******

 

April 21, 2006. 6:04 a.m. Noel's hotel room.

With the first extra day of filming under their belts, they feel triumphant. Invincible.

"Electric" Noel mumbles against Julian's lips. The older man has him pressed against the wall the headboard his resting on, biting hard--and sucking harder--on his lower lip.

"Indeed." Julian growls back, digging his fingertips into Noel's arse.

This solicits a moan from Noel, his hips jerking forward involuntarily, both men gasping at the friction it has afforded them.

They pause, two sets of lungs on hold, two throats scratching and ensnaring air.

Two pairs of eyes refusing to unlock the gaze suspending them in time as slowly, the both sink into a sitting position on the bed.

They've never discussed this. Never felt the need to. It was something that was understood without it having to be spoken. Act on the feelings they have for each other: kill the chemistry. Things have never gone past kissing. But this was just getting to be too much.

Slowly, shaking with a queer mixture of lust and fear, they each pull down their own zips--pop open their own buttons.

Noel is the first one to free himself from his trousers, his hand curled loosely around the base of his cock. Julian watches him intently, licking his lips as he too, frees his straining cock from his trousers--wraps his hand around himself. Slowly, their eyes never leaving the other, they wank in unison, muscles tensing, hips bucking. Hushed curses fill the air and they become dizzy.

Julian squeezes his eye shut tight--his free hand digging into the hotel's duvet with it's outdated floral print. "Gunna.....come" he gasps.

"Yes yes yes" comes Noel's reply as he bites his lip.

They unravel together--the room dimly lit by the sleepy sun rising for it's full day's duty.

 

*****

 

April 22, 2006. 10:09 p.m. Julian's hotel room.

"Well, that's done." Noel says, referring to the filming. He lays across Julian's bed, exhausted.

"You're not going to sleep, are you?" Julian asks, exchanging his sweaty shirt for a relatively clean one. "We still have the after party to go to."

"Christ! I forgot. I'm so sleepy, Ju!" Noel sighs, pulling himself up off the bed with much effort and walking towards the bathroom.

Julian pats him affectionately on the arse as he shuffles past. Noel twists Julian's exposed nipple in retaliation, grabbing his doctor's bag and clicking the door shut behind him. Julian sits on the edge of his bed, waiting for Noel to emerge. He gives up after twenty minutes and opens the bathroom door without knocking. The sight that greeted him was not a welcomed one. It stole the breath from Julian's chest without him realizing it. He'd had his suspicions before, but seeing Noel bent double over the sink, a thin residue of fine white powder lining the nostrils of his wonky nose.

Julian didn't know his mouth was agape until Noel crossed the tiled floor and pressed powdery fingers to Julian's tounge. He was a bit shocked and transfixed.

Noel withdrew his slick digits, running them through a line on the sink. He brought them back up to Julian's lips. "Suck" he said simply.

Julian shook his head. "We're much too old for this."

Noel was amped up and relentless, the cocaine highlighting the qualities Julian loved most about them. Tainting them. "Suck" he stated again.

Julian squeezed his eyes shut, his head swimming. He was a damn idiot. How did he not notice before? He had refused to see it.

He opened his mouth and together they fell so far through the earth they collided with the stars, staring up at Antarctica.

 

********

 

April 23, 2006. 7:16 a.m. Noel's hotel room.

The events of last night came to Julian in blips. He replayed what he could remember over and over again in his head--the scenes like stop motion on fast forward in his mind's eye.

For the fourth time since he woke up an hour ago, he replayed them again, laying next to Noel on the bed.

There was the bathroom incident that startled and surprised him when it shouldn't have, logical man that he is.

The after party, where he was a bit more social than usual, the lights a bit brighter, glaring behind Noel as he danced on a speaker. Tumbler after tumbler of whiskey in an effort to erase what his eyes could not un-see.

The car ride back to the hotel. Noel's hand stroking up Julian's thigh. Tangling in his hair. His breath hot against his neck. Whispered pleas.

His mind, substance-slow, allowing Noel to disrobe him, too far gone to help the younger man fumble out of his clothes. Noel's hand around his length, up down squeeze, sweeping a thumb across the head of his weeping cock. Noel rubbing himself against Julian's thigh. Moans and harsh breaths. The splash of release making their skin tacky.

Noel's heavy and deep slumber. Julian's own shallow and fitful sleep.

Noel hums next to him on the bed, sunlight spilling through the cracks in the curtains and making him even more luminous than usual. He stirs, stretches, and opens his eyes to see Julian watching him intently, his face a mixture of hostility and concern.

"I'm not doing that again. And neither are you. No more." Julian states harshly. A command. A fact.

Noel knows he's talking about the cocaine. He nods and cards a hand through Julian's hair, tugging lightly at the curls. "Yeah. Okay. Yeah."

Julian gets up and runs their shower, trying his best to convince himself that Noel's not a disobedient child--he just plays one on TV.


	7. Chapter 7

September 2007. Royal London Hospital.

Julian peeks through the glass at all the little infants, waiting for the nurse to wheel two very special ones out. He sees his boys emerge, looks into their eyes and feels infinite.

 

*******

 

October 2007. Somewhere in the heart of London. 2:06 a.m.

There are lights flashing. Noel can hear music somewhere far off and he squints through the strobing lights whizzing around and cutting through the air above his head as though if he were to look hard enough, he could see the music notes hanging in the air. He's flushed from his dance floor shuffle and the heat of bodies pressed around him. Someone says something to him he can't quite make out over the den of noise, but he nods anyway and is handed a drink.

It's cool on his tongue, pooling and seeping between his taste buds and he swallows. Electric blue and fruity, it leaves a bitter taste at the back of his throat and his stomach churns violently. Queasy still, he stumbles into the toilets, not clear as to whether he should be clutching his pounding head or his churning stomach. He staggers into a cubicle not bothering to shut the door behind him and falling to kneel--bony knees clattering against dirty tiles. He vomits as the light overhead flickers, ready to die. He retches once, twice, three times and sits up, his head spinning. Noel leans against the wall to the left of him, feeling the thrumming vibrations of the music muffled but still decipherable.

You hold my hands down, I've been bad.  
You hold my arms down, I've been bad.  
I've been bad, I've been bad.  
I fought the war but the war won

Noel wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, careful not to get any bile on his favorite leather jacket. We he thinks it's safe, he stands only to be doubled over by a dry heave, having nothing left in his stomach to offer up. He flushed the toilet, the sound threatening to tear his head in half. He squeezes his eyes shut, opens them, repeats the process several times and shuffles nervously over to the row of sinks on the opposite wall from the cubicles. The vomit on his hand has started to dry--crusty as he tries to flake it off with his nails under the warm water. He chances a glance up at the mirror. His pupils have eclipsed his irises almost completely, and there's a wild look in his eyes that he's never seen before. He blinks and it's still there.

Someone sticks their head through the door of the bathroom. "Oi! Fielding! C'mon, yeah?!"

Noel raised his hand in an "I'll be there in a minute" gesture and gave his hands another thorough washing before gathering his nerve and rejoining the party.

 

Two Hours Later

Julian groans and presses his face into his pillow. His mobile is next to him on the dresser, buzzing away happily. He was up just ten minutes ago changing nappies and trying to keep from going out of his mind. He glances at the illuminated screen. It was Noel, calling at 4 in the morning. Julian sighs, grabs his mobile and shuffles out into the lounge. The phone quiets and he fumbles for the cigarettes in his back pocket before realizing firstly that he's not wearing trousers and secondly, that he's not supposed to be smoking in the house. Or at all. He lays his mobile down on his bare thigh and rubs his hands over his face.

The phone buzzes again and he answers groggily. "Yes?"

"You're not here." Noel states plainly. He's clearly inebriated and sounds like he might have been crying.

"You're observant." Julian hears the click hiss of a lighter being stuck and knows for sure that Noel is drunk (as though he ever had any doubts) as, Noel usually only smokes after a gig or while off his face. He hears Noel inhale the smoke, blow it out and sigh.

"Why?"

Julian's getting aggravated, trying to keep his voice to a hushed whisper. "I just had twins, remember."

He hears Noel giggle. "Don't worry, love. You'll lose the baby weight soon." Julian can almost see his cheeky grin.

"Right. I'm hanging up now."

"NO! Wait, Ju! I...."

Julian waits. And waits. "You what, Fielding?"

"I need you."

"Noel, I--"

"No! Don't say anything! I know you're just going to go on about how you need to be there, but I was yours before they were and I--"

Julian hangs up and turns his mobile off. He sits alone in the dark for a few minutes, convincing himself that Noel would be better in the morning, once he's had time to sleep it off. He'd be his usual hung over self when Julian arrived to write the live show. He stands, knee joints popping from having sat too long, and makes his way over to the window. He keeps a few cigarettes and a lighter hidden in a potted plant on the window pane for occasions like this. The window's handle is ice cold to the touch as he swings the glass gently outward, leaning out and lighting his fag. The first two inhales are not nearly deep enough. It's been a week and a half since he has smoked and now his body is demanding nicotine like a fiend.

Underneath him the city lay quiet. An empty crisp packet scuttles from side to side like a crab, caught by a breeze, doing a dance. Julian blows a plume of smoke into the night, and watches as it, too, dances about on the wind before it spreads itself so thin it dissipates into nothingness. Somewhere on a neighbor's rooftop, a cat screeches.

 

*********

 

October 2007. Noel's Flat. 12:00 pm

Julian uses his key because he doesn't expect Dee to be in and he knows better than to expect Noel to be up just yet. He's surprised when he rounds the corner into the kitchen to find Dee sitting on the side, clutching her knees to her chest and crying softly. His brow furrows as he tries to decide what to do. He can't just leave her like this. She's more than just his best mate's girlfriend--she's also a friend. He reaches out a hand as if to touch her and then quickly drops it to his side. He clears his throat.

Dee is startled, and she wipes at the tracks her tears have made down her cheeks. "Oh. I didn't hear you come in. I--I need to be leaving soon, Sue is uh, waiting and that album won't just write itself, you know." She gathers up her coat and handbag and hesitates on her way out the door. She looks up into Julian's face as if searching for an answer. "What keeps you staying?"

Julian understood immediately. "Love."

Dee nodded and left him to put on the tea.

 

Julian enters Noel's bedroom fifteen minutes later (it had taken him a while to find the tea bags. And the mugs. And the kettle.) and finds him still in bed, face down and snoring. Julian sighs, putting the cup of tea down on the dresser and walks over to the bed to wake him. The acrid smell of piss stops him dead in his tracks and for the second time in the span of twenty-four hours he doesn't know what to do. Finally, he convinces himself he's just being silly, that he and Noel have seen each other in plenty of embarrassing circumstances in the past and that this was so far down on the list of inane shit that has happened to them that Noel would barely blink when confronted with it.

Julian shakes Noel gently, rousing him with soft words and softer hands. Finally the younger man rolls onto his back, blurry eyes looking into concerned ones. His eyes look terribly patriotic; blue irises, white cornea and red lines like spider's legs shot throughout.

"Wha?" Noel blinks up at him.

"C'mon. Let's get you into the shower, yeah? You'll feel better." Julian soothes without pointing out the obvious problem.

Noel takes a few minutes to catch up--his mind still stupid from sleep--and finally turns a sweet shade of pink before allowing himself to be lead into his own bathroom. Once inside Julian sets about helping Noel out of his soaked pants and vest. He turns on the water and waits for it to get to just the right temperature. He stays with Noel just until he climbs into the spray with a smile of gratitude.

Julian leaves, shutting the door behind him softly. He digs through the airing cupboard, pulling out sheets that don't match and a few odd pillowcases . He's dissatisfied, but that's all that seems to be in there. He strips Noel's bed, flips the mattress and sets about making it up. Once that's done, Julian sits on the edge of the bed and waits, fidgeting with the seam on a pillowcase. Then picking at a newly formed hole in the right knee of his trouser leg. Finally he gets tired of waiting and remembers the tea, and how it must be cold by now. He gets up and retrieves the cup from the dresser.

He's sure making a new cup will take his mind off things, but it doesn't. He wonders how late Noel stayed up partying last night. He wonders if he and Dee fought over it and if that was the reason she was crying. He wonders if Dee will end up leaving him. He wonders how he would feel about that. He wonders if he should tell him they can't sleep together anymore. He wonders if telling him would even be necessary, as they haven't had sex in seven months. He wonders if he should tell him he can't live without him. That he nearly called his name out last night in bed with Julia.

"That for me?" He hears Noel's tiny voice behind him and it makes him jump, spilling boiling hot water all over the floor.

"Shit." He looks around frantically for a tea towel, paper towel, random item of clothing, anything to mop up the mess he's made.

"Here." Noel whips the towel off his damp hair and flings it at Julian, pointing to his tresses "Need to go blow-dry this mess anyway."

Julian curses himself as he stoops to wipe up the water and then his knees as they pop in protest. When did I get this old?!

Noel reemerges dressed and dry from top to bottom. He takes the cup when offered to him but doesn't drink out of it. Instead, he watches Julian closely.

"Alright?"

It's the first word Noel had ever said to him. The one that still made him smile even ten years later. Today it just confuses him. "What?"

"I dunno. You seem....like you were far off. Like you're somewhere else entirely. What are you thinking about?"

Julian shrugs and pours the remainder of the water into the mug. He feels Noel's arms wrap around his waist tightly, pulling him into his chest.

"Noel--" his tone is warning.

Noel buries his face into Julian's shoulder blade and breathes in "It's been forever, Ju."

Julian shrugs Noel off his shoulder gently, like a worn cardigan and turns to look at him face-to-face. "I, I don't think this should continue....the way it has been."

Noel looks up at him, clearly hurt. He nods, his eyes glistening. "Yeah," he sniffs, fighting back tears "yeah, that's probably, yeah. You've got kids now and, yeah."

"Yeah."

They both stand there for a while, looking at the floor, inches apart from each other in silence, unsure of what just happened.

 

********

 

August 20, 2008. Riverside Studios. London. Preview Show.

"I'm nervous."

"You'll be fine. Remember last time?! We're rock stars now, Ju!"


End file.
